Well. Turns out this wasn't quite a job offer, just seeing if I would be interested. Which I am. It will be good. However, now I have to wait until next Wednesday-ish to see if I'm the one or maybe just to say if I'm in the running. I don't even know yet. I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. There isn't enough time! I would feel awful leaving these friendships with little to no warning! Friendships which I thought would be easy to leave by summer's end!
Oh goodness. I could cry right now. That's how hard this is.
If anyone is reading this, I covet your prayers. Pray God shows me the way. It's better than what I want, it might just be a little different than what I expect or want.
7.19.2013
7.18.2013
Decisions
A. of all, I can never remember which font and color I like best for this blog. But then I'm like, who gives a damn? It's cool. Do what you want, Cath.
B. of all, I currently live in Colorado working for YMCA of the Rockies! Is it fun? Yes! Are you just loving it and want to work there forever? Oh hell no. That being said...
C. I wanted this job so I could 1.Make money this summer and 2. Figure out what to do with my life as a post-grad.
...So I thought I wasn't going to find anything major. Nothing that would just jump start my career. Whatever that would be. I'm not even sure I know what I want to do with my life right now. Why did I just go to school for four years and spend lots of money I don't actually have? Because now, I don't know. I know that this is a common conundrum people my age with my experience and education have but you don't what it to ever happen to yourself. But alas, it has... or should I say, "had". Because I was perfectly fine not having a big-girl job. Not being able to change the world as easily or quickly as I thought. Being perfectly content living out Covenant's "extraordinary calling in ordinary places". Feeling like such a badass just letting the wind blow me and finally letting go of my anal tendencies of having everything in order just like I want it. I was prepping myself and family for a move to Grand Rapids to live with a former college room/housemate. It was going to be fun. We weren't going to have good jobs right away. We would cry a lot. Together. It would be super cold. We would probably call our parents a lot. It would be the 20-something life we've been waiting for.
And then. Today, whilst traveling Colorado with my parents (convenient time for vacay, mom and pops!) I listen to a voicemail from a call I ignored a few hours ago asking if I would like to have a graduate-assistant job in Covenant's athletic department. "Just give me a call," he says. "This could really help you in a career in collegiate athetlics," he says.
I cried. What am I supposed to do with that?! We were making plans! We wanted to find a house by the end of the week! And now I have to think about a different possibility, a lot of states away... Gah! My mind says go and my body says no. Classic. The thing is. The logical thing would be to take it. But I'm liking this new me who wants to be a free bird. It's nice. Don't worry about it. Things will work out. You'll have a close friend. The thing is, I went to school for this kind of job. I might as well take it and see if I want to do it.
Tomorrow I'm calling back. Maybe I'll know right away. Maybe I'll have to chew on it for a while. Pray, think, ask for advice. I want things to be easy but I also want to do what makes sense. Pleasing people plays a big role in this decision.
my heart plays a big role in this decision.
I cry more for that reason. A reason that was everything I've ever wanted yet nothing I expected. It's been good. I'm charmed. But my mind says not to get carried away. Don't make something out of nothing. However, these nothings, in my mind, have turned into a great big something. Don't misread it, Cath.
My nose is tingling right now. I'm breathing faster than normal, kind of like hyper-ventalitating but not at all. I changed the music on my computer from loud Avett Brothers to Coldplay's Parachutes. I wish I could just get myself together! I wish I left my Bible in my pack. I want to hear the truth. I want to be comforted and told everything will work out. Which it will. It just might not be the way I want it to.
In other news. I have a pimple. Must be the fudge I ate.
Cath
B. of all, I currently live in Colorado working for YMCA of the Rockies! Is it fun? Yes! Are you just loving it and want to work there forever? Oh hell no. That being said...
C. I wanted this job so I could 1.Make money this summer and 2. Figure out what to do with my life as a post-grad.
...So I thought I wasn't going to find anything major. Nothing that would just jump start my career. Whatever that would be. I'm not even sure I know what I want to do with my life right now. Why did I just go to school for four years and spend lots of money I don't actually have? Because now, I don't know. I know that this is a common conundrum people my age with my experience and education have but you don't what it to ever happen to yourself. But alas, it has... or should I say, "had". Because I was perfectly fine not having a big-girl job. Not being able to change the world as easily or quickly as I thought. Being perfectly content living out Covenant's "extraordinary calling in ordinary places". Feeling like such a badass just letting the wind blow me and finally letting go of my anal tendencies of having everything in order just like I want it. I was prepping myself and family for a move to Grand Rapids to live with a former college room/housemate. It was going to be fun. We weren't going to have good jobs right away. We would cry a lot. Together. It would be super cold. We would probably call our parents a lot. It would be the 20-something life we've been waiting for.
And then. Today, whilst traveling Colorado with my parents (convenient time for vacay, mom and pops!) I listen to a voicemail from a call I ignored a few hours ago asking if I would like to have a graduate-assistant job in Covenant's athletic department. "Just give me a call," he says. "This could really help you in a career in collegiate athetlics," he says.
I cried. What am I supposed to do with that?! We were making plans! We wanted to find a house by the end of the week! And now I have to think about a different possibility, a lot of states away... Gah! My mind says go and my body says no. Classic. The thing is. The logical thing would be to take it. But I'm liking this new me who wants to be a free bird. It's nice. Don't worry about it. Things will work out. You'll have a close friend. The thing is, I went to school for this kind of job. I might as well take it and see if I want to do it.
Tomorrow I'm calling back. Maybe I'll know right away. Maybe I'll have to chew on it for a while. Pray, think, ask for advice. I want things to be easy but I also want to do what makes sense. Pleasing people plays a big role in this decision.
my heart plays a big role in this decision.
I cry more for that reason. A reason that was everything I've ever wanted yet nothing I expected. It's been good. I'm charmed. But my mind says not to get carried away. Don't make something out of nothing. However, these nothings, in my mind, have turned into a great big something. Don't misread it, Cath.
My nose is tingling right now. I'm breathing faster than normal, kind of like hyper-ventalitating but not at all. I changed the music on my computer from loud Avett Brothers to Coldplay's Parachutes. I wish I could just get myself together! I wish I left my Bible in my pack. I want to hear the truth. I want to be comforted and told everything will work out. Which it will. It just might not be the way I want it to.
In other news. I have a pimple. Must be the fudge I ate.
Cath
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